The Tao of Pain

When biting the inside of your mouth by accident, show no weakness, and afford your audience no grimace.

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Selective Weeping

Nobody ever tells anyone to “smell ’em and weep.” Tragic.

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Bluto Venus

If they ever do a remake of “We Are the World”, Bruno Mars definitely needs to sing on it.

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A Loss for Words

I am darn-near begging to find a reason to use the word “purview” in a sentence today.

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If Smurfs Could Run the Country…

We would all be bleedin’ blue.

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Questionable Crunchy Item in My Fig Newton

I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced this, but I had a very hard, crunchy item in one of my Fig Newtons recently, and it was quite alarming. I was hoping that it wasn’t a Keebler Elf bone or something similar. Kthxbye.

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Fold Yourself No More

C-fold paper towels may well be the ruin of this country.

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